Week 14:The Miracle of Mastery

My subby definitely wrote this title because my mastery thus far is my awareness of when I am less than fully present to the moment and I also NOW know what to drive into the conscious mind in order to see the outside world manifest from the ‘new and improved subby’.

Masters often talk about watching the mind, even rhetorically telling the mind that it’s diatribe is not helpful.

The miracle is ability of conscious effort to change the life of the diligent and the more recent miracle is to actually see that change show up in the presence of someone who knew ‘old subby’ well.

This was week fourteen for me. Not that I didn’t cross to the ‘dark side’ on occasion when a conversation allowed for a less than constructive comment, however, I still made valuable headway and observed my relationships with others come to life and my example spread positively towards fresh perspectives of those at the family visit.

Sometimes the better path through is around…

The choice is always available to feed the positive, the light and the love. That is that is my commitment. Here’s to ‘Love“.

Week 13: Television,Presents, Hospitals and the F word

I’m talking about the challenging F called the ‘family function’. Our family has many females as well ( when I googled family dogpile, this is the closest image to the thoughts I had around my experience of the holidays.

I chose to go back to the states and join in a traditional holiday celebration. This wonderful group of people spend a good part of the year finding funny, sweet, useful gifts to indulge each other.

In recent previous years, I had bought gifts only for my three girls, stopped wanting a cut tree or wrapping said gifts. Our get togethers usually involved a meal or dessert out and about 3 hours of time.

So this year I chose a White Christmas, mall shopping, huge meal consumption, gift buying,wrapping and exchanging and two weeks with a lovely extended family in Chicago.

There are some wholesome intentions in gatherings like this. A lot of love, some drama, and in this case a near emergency. A man my age suddenly displayed symptoms of heart attack as we gathered on the night of the 25th to open presents.

Family rallied, the EMTs were called, the ambulance and a long night in the hospital. After 12hrs of blood draws and tests we discovered he had a deeply pulled muscle from over exertion the week before, what a relief, and for the next day or so each member of the family reflected and adjusted in their own way to this event and what it meant in their life.

How quickly humans appear to adjust to drastic events…And how easily they fall back into their set pattern s.

This second week away is also more challenging. The cards work the best, the reading, the ‘do it now’and the movie trailer.

My daughter likes the cards and is beginning to see the benefit of listing what she has done well rather falling to negative bias.

I think in the coming years I will design my own sacred events. Not for the public, just an intimate celebration for gratitudes, appreciations and a long look at my beliefs. I can see this is a life long process and instant progress as well.

Each tool and symbol in life can support new belief or transport us into what our past has determined, our choice…And I for one choose freedom

 

Week 12: Down the Rabbit Hole

Okay so how many of you found yourself down the rabbit hole.

My journey started out innocent enough, I broke my work routine to visit my daughter stateside and wow are things cooking in my outside world

What I mean by that is while I first noticed I responded differently and more positively to all parts of the situation, I was painfully aware of not only MY beliefs, I was aware of everyone in my immediate environments beliefs.

During previous visits I knew that pitfalls, on this visit I saw BELIEFS in the process of their creation.

This is like having the most accurate wikipedia( on steroids) at your disposal while everyone including your old subby dusting off the old Encyclopedia Britannica.

My inner response was a covert ‘deer in the headlights’ reaction. So much going on, such a desire for helping others and then back to self and a bit of a backslide into overwhelm, sleep, and yes some fear.

Ever observe those you care about doing something deeply contrary to your values…How can two humans learn the same information and take such different roads.

Some of us even saw Manchester By the Sea together…And didn’t like it. What a depressing example of tragedy and defeat…A testament to mediocrity! Not the sets, the acting, the authenticity…The story! The abysmal choice to continue to fail!

So tonight, I choose Cool Runnings, I choose to be the oddball, the disturber, the ‘shaker of trees’.

I step into the land of belief and I trust thought, love and persistence.

 

Week Eleven: Beginner’s Mind; Shrinking to fit or a Courageous Monarch

I love contemplating Zen.

I heard once, children are frustrating for adults because children stay focused on solely the current thing they want, unlike their adult counterparts who often have a collection of foci.

A child’s focus does not waver if their belief ( from less experiences) is rewarded with positive results. They continue to demand and more often than not their weary parent capitulates in one form or another as long as the request is safe and healthy enough.

One of my children focused like nothing else existed. At the time, I would say my DMP was to raise creative free thinking children.  My POA, regardless of how my body felt each day was to create the energy and enthusiasm to surmount any challenge before opening my door.

 

My daughter Shauna would get a keen read on my state and if I slipped even a little it bit, it was curtains for me as captain of the ship that day.

Shauna performed as an actor in her youth and was dubbed ‘the one take wonder. She never took an acting lesson, she just lost herself in the character during the take. Sometimes her focus was the scene itself and sometimes it was the snack table she could visit after successful scene completion, either way she persisted until she began to care about others perceptions.

As she grew up it became painfully obvious she had followed my example. Find the accepted norm, shrink to fit, conform to convention. It is beliefs not actions that garner results, thus coaching at any point does not work, not even self coaching!

Recently when I took a corporate j.o.b. to stabilize my finances, it was Shauna who pointed out my relief as a positive affirmation to corporate employment. Yuck!   Neither my inspiration nor my awareness made a difference to my children because my outer life until now has born little of the fruit of liberty.

Loyalty to my core values, heartful intentions, courage in action, commitment to growth of spirit and meditation has grown a clear inside.  Yet without direction and constant demands toward a new subby…mediocre results.

I even realized it was my subconscious, told my upline that if most of our distributors weren’t performing it must  be the subby. Expressed this to others and vowed to change myself, then fell straight back to sleep!

A tree bearing nothing edible in the gardens of some cultures is pulled up.

The Monarch lives by their instincts. I often value the miracle of these creatures we are supposed to steward. Every time I hear their story it in my head, I tear up.

I know for certain my creator loves me and all is at my doorstep to create!

I have knowing, awareness and I must still take direction and fly hard. I must swim up stream.

Today, persistence truly takes on a new meaning.

I am delighted many of you have small children who will soar with you.

I trust my family will embrace my vision through my example and embrace transformation sooner than I could even imagine.

Week 10: Do it NOW Sadaya, for your FUTURE SELF!

DWYSYWD…Ever seen this string of letters! It stands for

DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO!

Little kids know this one…or at least mine did. They duplicated perfectly what mommy DID, not what she said. In fact, they still do!

Now, I have always been a staunch supporter of this and yet I see where the puddles are for me when it comes to falling into the same spot down the same path, with the same peptide…you get the idea!

I have never thought of myself as an imposter, although I see now that my old subby has not entirely given up her post.

I was just writing my mentor, my experience of when I am writing and reading in the last few weeks I can’t keep my eyes open…and when I am doing something else I am wide awake.

What is it I don’t understand about the old subby!  Actually I believe the correct response is what do I not understand about NEW SUBBY!

Where have I left her waiting… only to look around and realize she is waiting on me tirelessly. She is forever patient, even if it takes a hundred years to evolve.

 

So here is the dilemma this week. I am so glad we have a tribe call tmoro and I will get some live feedback AND I would LOVE feedback from you who read this as well. ( caution; the following is a story, and as such, all stories are made up. The only truth is I am not feeling elated about the apparent state of affairs!)

Subby has a new job to win big in sales where team members are somewhat pitted against each other. Not entirely and not all team members however subby doesn’t like this because something inside says its’ unfair!

Somehow subby thinks integrity is not available here and as such the ‘love in her heart’ feels somewhat jilted when a co-worker chooses to create opportunity and gain at the expense of another ( especially her of course).

Seemingly the dilemma is: ‘if the outer landscape is more of ME then how does the inner landscape shift to remedy this’

True this apparent gain of others may be short lived AND yet the short term is getting expensive because the pay is set up for feast or famine and that somehow that doesn’t feel so good.

I do believe in the value of what I am selling …

and I also believe the pressure within the group brings out less than the best in us.

(perhaps me included even though I am not acting out on any pirate-like thoughts)

The following quote is something I have heard in many studies of mystic teachings or western psychology for that matter.

Is it true?

What do I trust?

Is there enough?

Will I be taken care of if I maintain my integrity and for the greater good belief?

What does new subby need to know?

Is the boat worthy?

Am I?  Back to the new lifestyle of homework to find out

….mahalo ke akua! mahalo mkmma!

 

 

 

 

Week 9: Paint Your Masterpiece

 

It seems this week is a benchmark of circumstance. I like to imagine new subby painting more of the beautiful details that are beginning to come through. There does seems to be alot of layers to this painting and that is encouraging…it reminds me of painting with oils.

When I moved to Kauai about ten years ago, I noticed that I needed to be more fluid with the changes that kept me moving my domicile or my interior landscape. I had always loved to paint and yet it seemed I never had time to paint with oils because of the many layers and long drying process. So I switched to acrylic and and even watercolor. Now the problem was I had to live with my early strokes because especially with watercolor there wasn’t the opportunity to paint over if I didn’t like the result.

This was difficult because I judged my early strokes harshly and here was the parallel to my current life as art. Finally I am back to oils…I know I can make a masterpiece because I have the ability to change my early choices ( strokes). Actually there are even new oils that dry more quickly, phew!  I can scrape and repaint glorious details to my heart’s content taking the best bits forward and using the lesser ones as wisps of wisdom toward my new choices.

As I scrape layers off my life. I am saying no when something is not the best for me. I no longer see this as judgmental or selfish, I see it as compassionate for all involved and creating more space for my purpose and contribution.

As I greet this day with love in my heart, I use both sides of my brain through concept and facts for the consensus of what works for me. Since I am the catalyst for my future self, I must love myself each day and the lessons my prior subby is finishing.

She is doing her best and she is opening my heart door to the new me.

 

 

Week 8: Blue Moon

Do you remember the three little mice singing Blue Moon in the movie Babe? Well this photo reminded me of a Blue Moon, in fact the purple through the glasses is combination of the blue rectangle in my movie poster and my red circle! Looks like there is even a lovely beachside home too!

Loved the song, loved the mice singing and loved that oddball movie…Babe believed and so her life transformed.

Mystic traditions hold truth and traditional psychology lays open my past for inspection yet the creation of a truly rich life experience is not just devotion to presence…it is the tireless application of our course methods to change my outer life.

Connection with the infinite….seems to sweeten and slow my experience of external moments…music is exquisite, laughter deeply relaxing, nature magnified…even the sound of chickens in the morning is muffled by the color of the sky and the luxury of my blankets.

I am deeply grateful for this week. There is going to be a blue moon just before Thanksgiving …making two 2 full moons in this calendar month. A double reminder to awaken and choose again. 

The splendor of nature here rushes my senses. The full moon waking me to peer out into the night sky to take pleasure in ‘.la bella luna’. 

The giant blue rectangle of daylight sky, the blessed green triangle of foliage, the red flowers in their circular splendor and the grand yellow shapes of buildings. Each one a reminder, a symbol of life ahead with the graceful, grateful, abundant subby of my future.

WIth this blue moon I see my PPN of Helping Others plus my personal development into community outreach and mentorship in one shape. I just have to squint a little to imagine the blue and red together…so okay, I suppose it’s my purple moon!

Even the ornery are tamed into submission by the loving gaze of my eye. It is a miracle to behold the speed and gracefulness of the future rushing to meet my every considered, heartfelt altruisic belief.  You might wonder about my mental diet, my homework, my day to day and I will tell you true that I am not counting anything save the wins! The victories, the smiles, the miracles and the wonderment of it all is stunning!

Life is not all roses and yet when I see each moment of life through the lens of the rose with a pure and committed heart I glide through cleanly any thorns set to disturb my dream. Life is like a box of chocolates and it doesn’t matter which one you get because firstly they are all chocolate and secondly you can choose over and over again until you create receiving the one you want.

 

 

Week 7: See Me…

 

As I wrote the title of this week’s entry I heard the song in my head from the Sixties performed by Roger Daltrey of The Who… thus a testament to how music influences me.

“See Me…Feel Me…Touch Me…Heal Me”

I was really moved when I read Mark’s share this week. I could come along way to being more transparent. In person I do that easily and yet in my stream of consiousness style writing maybe my odd ball sense of humor is still not a real sense of me.

Oh how the peptides want to go to those old connections. Interesting too that I have been involved in methods to ‘stay present’ and ‘observe’ for years now and whoa how this work is bringing my vulnerabilities raging to the surface.

I had to override the urge to do something overly nice for someone who was being unreachable…not that I needed approval ( well at least I was beyond the ‘feeling’ of needing approval in that moment)… just that I believe old subby is used to this type of overreaching for the familiar peptide of rejection( a strange choice really)…new subby offered and the answer was no..so I moved on.

Again today old subby flustered…I haven’t worked for a corporation in sometime and while much of my experience easily transfers, some does not and the stress falls under ugly catagory of approval. I noticed and really had to talk to myself ( inaudibly of course) about putting these thoughts aside. I am reminded that addiction is also peptides…and here I thought I did NOT have an addictive personality. Come to realize that peptide is an addictive substance!

When did this get to be so important?! Doesn’t matter really and yet eviscerating it reminds me of my week five story ! Leave any weed to root near the ground and it is head high in no time. 

I am struggling with the pressure of appearing carefree among others who seem competitive or impatient towards me…who could also be under pressure and in denial ( I do realize and have compassion for them).

Why do I care about the others’ perceptions?  My patrons are for the most part compassionate…my boss is a dream and loves the Og Mandino’s GS… mature co-workers are lovely?!

Truth is, its not even important why! Going down that path is just an analytical construct to subdue a likely childhood belief and uncomfortable feeling ( familiar peptides).

Week 7 for me is about slowing down, digging into my DMP once again, Going over and reviewing the material we have covered so far, creating my recording for some passive learning and really enjoying the movie poster which is working splendidly!

For my movie poster I have an image for a husband ( since I am currently single) and I chose to google best looking men of a certain age  ..number one on the list was George Clooney…so George is currently on my poster. This week I am thinking that perhaps I should do a bit more research and choose a single male whose values are even more completely in alignment with mine… in the meantime I suppose if I manifest Mr Clooney, he will just have stand-in :o)

 

Week Six: Much Ado about Something!

Mixed opinions are likely forming about my evolving persona. Cool thing is while she can be my ideal persona in the moment she is continually transforming and who knows how she will be seen over time.

That’s right folks, I am creating a new lead character in my play appearing as life. I am changing locations, sets, props and many of the actors. I am committed to ongoing drafts of my screen play featuring the new ‘subby girl’ as well as sequels. I may even mini series as riveting as “The Outlander”…well perhaps not that riveting to all of you…certainly to me!

Stepping out of my comfort zone is more comfortable than i believed (formerly). Not nearly as fearful of the opinions of strangers, friends and yes even bosses, I am trusting my intuition and excited about less worry and less fear in my life. There is still residue and I am trusting it will go with this weeks’ no additional work passive add-ons :o)

I must admit to you that weeks back when my service card had more than four different goals I created new shapes and new colors because I had more than four, it never occurred to me to double up…I am happy to go back and assign them to the original four colors…I just was curious how often other students made that choice? It is representative of how I approach solutions and often this is creative and good..and sometimes it is confusing to others. This fact never bothered me much and I still wonder how this ties into what is created in my life up to this point.

A friend once described those thinkers who choose outside the box solutions as ‘diagonal thinkers’. As a child this was not seen as ideal…it did not fit easily in highly structured environments. If the structure made sense and there was freedom in it through its process then okay…and if not creating a way to be contrary while maintaining high performance was the choice. Its as if I would choose to excel in whatever way I was able and if it wasn’t a fit then I wrote my own pathway. I even told the head of my team in Kauai that if only a fraction of one percent of network marketers made 98% of the money then personal growth must be needed for the rest. I knew it must be the subsconcious and little old subby must have believed because Sarah Dooley heard me…we tried a few different courses and now several people in my business tribe are participating.

What I am thrilled about with regard to week six is success being contingent on the highest moral ideal…greatest good to the greatest number! ( part six MK). This is the intent of the way I live. A great author once bought me lunch and we discussed how much I should charge for my services…I was of the mind I should not charge and he was suggesting the more I charged those that could pay, the more I could give to those who could not afford. These thoughts are definitely a revision in my screen play. I must key them.

When I read and read again about the focus of the thoughts and how they are able to be a magnifying glass on the outside world in our life I feel really delighted about what my new outside world will look like…and I can hardly wait to see the painting of this life…each evolution of her.

 

 

Week Five B: Judge Not and Keep your Opinion to yourself…

I wrote my week five blog much before I had a week’s experience with ‘judge not…and speak sans opinion.

Ability not to judge….even in the mind…fail!

Not thinking an opinion…miserable fail ( laughing out loud).

I am laughing because I have long observed and taken responsibility for judgements even prided myself on this skill. I know judgements and opinions are ..knowing the link that they were infact related to self-judgements and perceptions, both of which severely limited with the data available in this thing I call my mind’. In fact it is the brain’s job to protect me and unfortunately she conjures up  theories based exclusively on my ‘data bank’ and my body memories. This is not only unfortunate, it is a crime that can now be avoided. For the past few decades I have said to my subby “I will not listen to your advice, not realizing what must be done to change her.

What I am really loving about this week and last week is I am seeing some new behaviour from the ‘new subby’. It is not polished behaviour from a thinking place necessarily, it is somewhat rebellous, awkward, stilted or an after the fact realization. This feels like a huge win though because I am seeing changes and that means progress even if those changes trigger other people and consequences. I am encouraged and empowered.